While I definitely enjoy watching Mandy Moore in Walk to Remember every Saturday morning, it isn't my favorite summertime rerun. That honor would go to White Men Can't Jump.
Wesley Snipes' hat is the real selling point of this poster. White boys couldn't pull it off, I tried.
1) Pickup basketball look exciting, popular and easy.
2) White people cannot, indeed, jump. (Side note, I get sick thinking of the Jazz drafting Cole Aldrich with the #9 overall pick)
3) Rosie Perez could dominate Jeopardy like a sassy Ken Jennings.
4) Two short players with extremely ugly jumpers can dominate a game of 2 on 2 basketball against actual life size players..
Worst. Movie Voice. Ever.
While points 3 and 4 are interesting, they do not actually lead into the rest of my entry......so laugh and forget about them. Points 1 and 2, however, tie in quite nicely.
When most people think of pickup basketball, they think of scenes like those found in the before-mentioned movie or even classic images/documentaries of famous places like Ruckers Park in Harlem. Each depiction shows "warriors" doing battle for pride, honor and/or money.....or something like like. It romanticizes the simple nature of the game, transforming it into a modern day arena where basketball gladiators go to battle.
Definitely not in Utah.
When I think of pickup basketball, I think of those same types of battles but my image of the battlefield couldn't be more different. Instead of full length courts and crowds, I think of narrow driveways, odd angles and the strangest boundaries you could think of.
Utah is known for being a mainly "white" state and it shows up on the basketball courts, especially when you are young. Everyone is roughly the same size, speed and coordination level, which makes for some pretty horrible-to-watch basketball games when played on regulation 10 foot hoops. All the youth leagues are filled with these types of players (see pictures below), which kind of killed the fun.
A typical youth team. Aren't I a cute #23?
When your entire team is made of of cloned players, you end up running the "umbrella" offense. This consists of the tallest player being banished to underneath the basket while the remaining 4 teammates are spread evenly behind the 3 point line, rotating who takes the shot. Like i said, a very horrible-to-watch type of game. Throughout grade school, this is all I knew so I understandably disliked basketball. This all changes when I discovered the best invention for the state of Utah that I have ever come across: The Adjustable Basketball Hoop!
The Adjustable Hoop...where short white kids can pretend to be real basketball players.
Finally, a hoop that could be adjusted to allow for our underwhelming perimeter skills! Almost overnight, our umbrella offense molded into a more traditional offense with yours truly developing some mean post skills to go with his now towering 5'9" frame. I could dunk, I could block shots, I could actually play basketball the way it was meant to be played!
Basketball quickly became the go-to activity for summer days and nights. Those neighbor houses with adjustable hoops became the coolest place to hang out. Each house had its strange rules and angles but we didn't care. Who needs a wide court with a true 3 point line when you could have a narrow court where the 3 point line could be 15 - 35 feet depending on the grass line? Does that mean we didn't take the games seriously? Hell no, I got more heated about those games than I ever did in soccer or baseball. My absolute favorite sporting memories are from playing pickup ball on these mini hoops.
Guess who always got double teamed?
Eventually, the playing field began to shift as some of the elect few grew to be over 6 feet tall and develop real jump shots. These "elite" began to play in school leagues while the others began to focus on other, more attainable, sports. The games on the mini hoops became less and less frequent, until you rarely could even get enough people to play 2 on 2. It was a depressing end to an incredibly fun sports era of my life.
I still play an occasional pickup game of basketball on a regulation hoop, but it isn't the same. As you can imagine, Utah is practically bursting with 5'10" point guards, but many of whom can shoot/run/pass/play much better than me. The fun isn't there for me anymore. My shake and bake post moves, my sky hook and even my little bank fade-a-way are wasted when some 6'6" guy (OK, probably anyone over 5'11") can simply stuff the ball back into my face. It just isn't the same.
One day my future son will be old enough to start playing sports and I hope he enjoys them as much as I did and do. I will make sure he has a bin of baseballs, a bag of soccer balls and a box of footballs. But my first serious purchase? An adjustable basketball hoop for the driveway....even if I end up being the only one to use it.
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1 comment:
Nice! Very well written. My experience growing up was a fixed hoop on the side of our house with a sloping driveway at the top of a hill for the court. The 'three point line' was straight and about 3 feet below the rest of the court. Good times.
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